“LOVE & RESPECT –
The Love She Most Desires
The Respect He Desperately Needs”
By Ukeme and
Christina Umana
There is no disagreement that good
communication between husband and wife is absolutely essential for a successful
relationship. Yet despite thousands of books, seminars and conferences, the
statistics on marriages and divorce rates even among Christians reveal a wide
chasm between men and women; specifically in the area of initiating and
maintaining an effective communication. In our couples’ class, we learn that men
see the world through blue sunglasses whereas women see the world through pink
sunglasses. Women wear pink hearing aids and men wear blue hearing aids. Our
communication is greatly influenced by how we see and
hear.
The couples’ class is embracing the
concept by Dr Emerson Eggerichs that cracking the communication code between
husband and wife involves one thing: that is, unconditional respect is as
powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. Craziness is when we keep
doing the same thing again and again with the same ill effect. Marital craziness
is when we do the same thing over and over with the same negative results. This
is what Dr. Eggerich calls the ‘crazy cycle’.
All of us who are married
go through this cycle. The topics change, and the intensity varies, but the
crazy cycle continues. This happens among good willed people. In other words,
this good willed people are not bad people with a bad marriage. In fact, some
people think they have a horrible marriage because of this craziness. Truth is,
they are inches away from making an adjustment that can set them in a whole new
positive course. If, though, they do not see underneath this "craziness," to the
heart of their spouse, this thing can spin out of
control.
As he puts it, cracking communication
code is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks, and yet few ever find
it. Dr Eggerichs elucidates the truth behind Paul’s writing in Ephesians 5:33
“Nevertheless let each individual among
you also love his own wife even as himself, and let the wife see to it that she
respect her husband.” Rather than foster stereotypes and division as some
have used this passage, couples are experiencing God’s blessings in their
marriages as they embrace the true meaning of this passage as it was intended.
Couples’ class is learning through
the “Love and Respect” book/workbook and Conference DVD how to stop the Crazy
Cycle of Conflict; initiate the Energizing Cycle of Change and enjoy the Reward
Cycle of New Passion. It is our hope and prayer that we Christians will take a
stand to reclaim the joy of Oneness that God intended when he created
marriage.