Setting Parental Boundaries

And Personal Self-Control

2/17/08

(The following was used with a PowerPoint presentation, the asterisks indicate slide changes.)

*2 Tim. 3:1 But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. ²People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, ³without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, ⁴treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.

*Setting Parental Boundaries

*And Personal Self-Control

Pray

*2 Tim. 3:1 (Living Bible) You may as well know this too, Timothy, that in the last days it is going to be very difficult to be a Christian. ²For people will love only themselves and their money; they will be proud and boastful, sneering at God, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful to them, and thoroughly bad. ³They will be hardheaded and never give in to others; they will be

*constant liars and troublemakers and will think nothing of immorality. They will be rough and cruel, and sneer at those who try to be good. ⁴They will betray their friends; they will be hotheaded, puffed up with pride, and prefer good times to worshiping God. ⁵ They will go to church, yes, but they won’t really believe anything they hear.

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Parental respect is at an all time low!

When a child does not respect his/her parents, they will little or not respect for any authority.

There is a Thailand-based conglomerate Siam Cement Group (SCG) that offers scholarships to high school students but one of the requirements is the respect level they show their parents.

To quote one of the high level executives:

“If you cannot love your parents, how can you love others?”

SCG applies the same principle in its own offices across Southeast Asia because it believes that it is not enough for people to be smart.

“They have to show respect for their fellow man in order to foster harmonious relationships, not just in the office, but at home and in the general community.”

When parents fail to set boundaries for their child, as the child grows, they won’t know how to set their own.

*2 Tim. 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

*Titus 2:11 For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. ¹²It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age…

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Listen to this scenario…

Eric walks in the front door after a long hard day at work. His son Sammy, is lying on the couch absorbed in his Gameboy. "I'm home", calls Eric. "Hi, Dad," mumbles Sammy, not lifting his eyes from the game.

Eric continues through the living room to see who else is home. His teenage daughter is on the phone in the kitchen. "Hey Judy," Eric says, kissing her on the cheek. "How was the big math test today?" "I'll be off in a while, Dad", says Judy, continuing her conversation with her friend.

What is wrong with this scene? And how does this relate to the issue of respect?

The fifth of the Ten Commandments is "Honor your parents." We want our children to treat us with respect -- not because we are motivated by our own egos or drive for power or control -- but because it is good for the child and his character development.

Children need to learn gratitude. One primary object of their gratitude should be their parents -- who gave them the gift of life and cared for them since birth. The gratitude is due even if the parents didn't do the best job.

Honoring parents helps children see more clearly the debt of gratitude owed to God, who partners with parents in the child's creation (parents provide the body and God provides the soul) and gives parents the means to sustain the children every day.

On a social level, respect for authority is one of the pillars that society is built on. Building respect for parents at home enables children to accept and respect authority in school, in the workplace, and in society. Despite the fact that authority today is not always worthy of our respect, we still need to teach children respect -- or we contribute further to the moral decay of society.

What happens to the boy or girl/man or woman who lacks self control?

*Pr. 25:28 Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.

*Don’t confuse love and lenience.

Don’t pamper your child when tough love is needed.

Did I make mistakes being a parent? Absolutely!

There were times when I should have played ball but didn’t. There were times when I should have went camping in the woods but didn’t.

I disciplined Matt, but never out of pure anger.

When Matt was in high school, it was very challenging. I had to use tough love. The three options.

But I want to share with you an amazing discovery.

I want to begin with one of the most honoring statements I have ever received in my life.

When Matt and Christine were engaged and they were having a wedding shower for Christine…

When Matt became a Chief Petty Officer in the Coast Guard, he asked me to pin the anchor on his collar. That’s quite an honor.

My dad disciplined me hard. If he were here today, he would admit it was too hard. I hated it when I was young, but God used it in my adult life!

Self discipline is not that hard for me.

I remember when Matt went into the Navy. During boot camp when he was allowed to call home, he said “Dad, you got me ready for boot camp, this isn’t hard.”

It is a terrible injustice to refuse our children discipline when it is needed. And it is needed!

*2 Sam. 13:19 Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornamented robe she was wearing. She put her hand on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went. ²⁰Her brother Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house,

*a desolate woman. ²¹ When King David heard all this, he was furious. ²²Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar.

But David didn’t do anything about it!

Two years later Absalom had Amnon killed, and then he fled for three more years.

David longed to see his son but did nothing about it.

Joab is the one who convinced David to have his son return to Jerusalem.

David was a great man but when it came to parenting, he didn’t know how to do it.

*2 Sam. 14:24 But the king said, “He must go to his own house; he must not see my face.” So Absalom went to his own house and did not see the face of the king.

Absalom got a gathering of people and rebelled against his father.

*2 Sam. 18:10 When one of the men saw this, he told Joab, “I just saw Absalom hanging in an oak tree.”

¹¹Joab said to the man who had told him this, “What! You saw him? Why didn’t you strike him to the ground right there? Then I would have had to give you ten shekels of silver and a warrior’s belt.”

¹²But the man replied, “Even if a

*thousand shekels were weighed out into my hands, I would not lift my hand against the king’s son. In our hearing the king commanded you and Abishai and Ittai, ‘Protect the young man Absalom for my sake.’ ¹³And if I had put my life in jeopardy—and nothing is hidden from the king—you would have kept your distance from me.”

¹⁴Joab said, “I’m not going to wait

*like this for you.” So he took three javelins in his hand and plunged them into Absalom’s heart while Absalom was still alive in the oak tree. ¹⁵And ten of Joab’s armor-bearers surrounded Absalom, struck him and killed him.

This was David’s reaction when he found out about his son…

*2 Sam. 18:33 The king was shaken. He went up to the room over the gateway and wept. As he went, he said: “O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you—O Absalom, my son, my son!”

We think of Bathsheba as being David’s darkest hour. This was another horrific time in David’s life…

*2 Sam. 19:5 Then Joab went into the house to the king and said, “Today you have humiliated all your men, who have just saved your life and the lives of your sons and daughters and the lives of your wives and concubines. ⁶You love those who hate you and hate those who love you. You have made it clear today that the commanders and their men mean nothing to you.

*I see that you would be pleased if Absalom were alive today and all of us were dead. ⁷Now go out and encourage your men. I swear by the LORD that if you don’t go out, not a man will be left with you by nightfall. This will be worse for you than all the calamities that have come upon you from your youth till now.”

⁸So the king got up and took his seat

*in the gateway. When the men were told, “The king is sitting in the gateway,” they all came before him.

The scripture wants us to see something here. It was a pattern with David…

*1 Ki. 1:5 Now Adonijah, whose mother was Haggith, put himself forward and said, “I will be king.” So he got chariots and horses ready, with fifty men to run ahead of him. ⁶(His father had never interfered with him by asking, “Why do you behave as you do?” He was also very handsome and was born next after Absalom.)

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Undisciplined people don’t make it in hard times…

*1 Pet. 4:7 The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.

*1 Pet. 5:8Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. ⁹Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.